Pain is the only true source of change.
Last few months I have been studying pain. Pain of a personal nature. Pain associated with feeling of the heart. Pain of emotions.
Getting to understand it. Getting to know it.
I was helped by few people in this study. Someone supplying the pain, someone helping me handle it (like a research assistant helps the principle researcher).
My first observation is that pain can rule and ruin your life.
It will make you loose your desire to do anything, including eat and sleep. Sleep when it comes, is painful because it is really not sleep.When you see food you want to throw up. You forget the things you used to do. Take no interest in life and generally enter a very negative state.
There are several possible solutions to this.
Firstly you can try and leave it all to Time. Time does heal the deepest wounds, although it does leave scars. Clearly Time is not a plastic surgeon.
Secondly you can try and disengage yourself from the source of pain and start the healing process. Kind of like when you get a thorn in your hand you remove it and then bandage the wound. This approach has a major drawback. This approach requires you to be selfish. But, sometimes you just cannot be selfish. Not if someone you care about is stuck in the same pain.
Thirdly you can try and identify if the cause of pain is same as the source or if they are separate. This is important because the cause of pain might be in you while the source is external. So if you remove that cause from within yourself (very difficult to do sometimes especially when you are in a negative state) you do get a certain degree of immunity from the pain.
My second observation is that pain brings a lot of clarity.
Many situations which remain unclear are removed by the pain. Pain of a personal nature, especially in the matters of the heart, often wakes us up and brings us out into the cold hard world. It opens our eyes to certain facts which we were ignoring. Having gone through such an experience I can say surely, that I have achieved a lot of clarity on various issues such as settlement, marriage, love and commitment.
My third observation is that pain teaches us a lesson and quicker we learn it better off we will be.
I learnt several lessons during this Odyssey of Pain.
One of the most painful lesson was that people are not what they appear. They reveal themselves only when they are stressed. Their weakness and their capability to self-deceive is highlighted only at such moments. I found myself asking this simple question: 'What makes people be so self-deceptive when pain is involved?'
Another important lesson I learnt (which thankfully was not a new lesson) was how to be objective when faced with great pain. How to put yourself on the side and help the other person.
How to remove your issues from the equation till the time is right to bring them out. This is very important because if in a situation involving multiple people, everyone is going through a great deal of pain, then someone has to put their pain aside and help people get out of the situation.
Finally I learnt that sometimes you need to give up on people, especially when you can no longer relate with them. It is surprisingly peaceful. When you give up on someone you get rid of half the emotional baggage related with them.
We should look for the lesson rather than concentrating on the pain.
- My first observation is that pain can rule and ruin your life.
- My second observation is that pain brings a lot of clarity.
- My third observation is that pain teaches us a lesson and quicker we
learn it better off we will be in the future.
The nature of change (whether positive or negative) caused by pain
depends on how you deal with the pain.
1) The nature of change (whether positive or negative) caused by
pain depends on how you deal with the pain.
2) There is ALWAYS hope because the future is dynamic and to a
great extent IN YOUR HANDS!
The Namesake
Coma to Heart-Attack scale: Normal Blood Pressure (7/10)
The movie is based on Jhumpa Lahiri's book The Namesake. Since I have not read the book I will stick to the story of the movie for the review.
I thought this movie to be a satisfying blend of various common themes such as:
1) The emotional issues which arise when one is uprooted from their homeland.
2) The clash of Western and Eastern civilisations and thought processes.
3) The problems with relationships especially those involving people from different cultures.
4) Issues of identity crisis.
These themes have been explored together and individually with a great deal of success, in many movies before The Namesake (e.g. American Desi, Bombay Boys, The Guru etc.).
What makes The Namesake a bit different is the fact that the story spans a lifetime and we see the characters grow and evolve as the movie progresses. Even though the growth process is often in 'fast-forward' mode where months and years have elapsed between two consecutive scenes.
In my opinion the movie could have been made more continuous. Lots of scenes seem quite unnecessary especially the love making scenes. They don't add anything to the movie especially when they are cut up by the Censor Board.
I also think that all the airport scenes (in the US) were shot on the same day! The displays at the airport remain the same when the Ganguli family is flying to India and years later (as per the story) when Gogol arrives with a shaved head.
There are several such mistakes in the movie which is shocking since Mira Nair is known for her professional approach to movie-making.
Also I was disappointed with the soundtrack. It was quite boring unlike her earlier movies (e.g. Monsoon Wedding).
I also would have liked to see Gogol's younger sister play a bigger part in the movie. She disappears somewhere into the background as the movie progresses.
We just get snippets of information regarding her life such as 'she is in California' or 'she is with a decent guy named Ben'.
Maybe the script writer could have used their creative abilities and compared the reaction of Gogol and his sister to the various issues that arise in their lives?
Would have been interesting to see how the response differs (if at all it does).
Irrfan and Tabu have acted well.
But again while the movie embraces you and puts you in a comfort zone as you see these characters go through life, there seems to be something missing.
Maybe the continuity factor?
Alcohol (in India atleast) is considered to be quite bad. If you admit that you consume alcohol regularly you are sure to be looked down upon by most sections of society. One cannot advertise alcohol. People think that husbands waste money on alcohol instead of spending on family welfare.
I wonder if anyone has carried out any studies comparing number of broken marriages (or 'bad' marriages) where the main cause of failure is alcoholism with the total number of people who consume alcohol. Or even compared this with the total number of failed (or failing marriages).
Alcohol at the end of a long day is often the one thing that gets rid of the stress so that you can behave in a human like fashion.
While EXCESS of ANYTHING is bad, alcohol, if consumed in the right quantity, provides a release.
Many times it helps you to think clearly. To cut through the fog and concentrate on core issues.
Sometimes it prevents you from thinking TOO much.
So alcohol is not all bad.
If we ban alcohol from being advertised, maybe we should ban car advertisements as well!
After all I am sure cars kill more people than alcohol. More women are made widows and children orphaned because of rash driving. A drunk person is dangerous only to themselves. But a drunk person BEHIND the wheel of a CAR is a danger to anyone on the road.
All this and are not even getting into the pollution aspect of cars and how the global weather is changing!
So is a CAR more dangerous than ALCOHOL?
IF YES then why are you allowed to advertise cars and not alcohol.
Why is driving big cars not 'looked down upon' like consuming alcohol?
After all a big car can cause greater injury to a person, pollute the environment even more and consume more resources!
IF NO then someone needs to prove alcohol kills more people and causes greater harm than CARS.
Don't forget to send me a copy of the report!
Just because we need a car for our daily life we don't mind living with the heavy cost of life. Nobody says 'hey lets walk to the shops rather
In the end it just comes down to one simple fact: If I want something badly enough then who gives a damn about the cost!
This in turn highlights the attitude of convenience that we, as members of the human race, have adopted towards things around us.
It is convenient to ban alcohol ads since it might encourage people to drink, in any case how many people drink, but not automobile ads with all kinds of fancy stunts (which might encourage a kid to start driving and try those stunts, before reaching the legal age).
Check out the Google TiSP system which promises to provide free broadband through muncipal sewers!SET MAX Cricket World Cup 2007 coverage is crap!
They are so keen to show their precious advertisements that you end up missing either the end or beginning of overs. Of course you also miss on important replays.
For example: The other day I was watching a match and it was the last ball of the over. The batsman hit a four and before the ball could reach the boundary SET MAX had broken away from the live telecast and started showing ads.
I wonder why they ruin the coverage for the viewers. I as a viewer end up HATING the ads. I am sure the same must be happening with other viewers as well. So in the end the misplaced zeal for pushing the ads makes the viewers hate the products/services being advertised.
It defies logic!
Nishabd: No reasons for being speechless.
Coma to Heart-Attack scale: High Blood Pressure (8/10)
It is not as if the story is original. Initial comparisons with Lolita and once the movie was released with American Beauty ensured that this movie got hammered. To break the mold Ram Gopal Verma would have had to lie.
I give it such high points is because I appreciate honesty. What has been shown could actually happen with Indian males. When Jiah Khan calls Amitabh a hypocrite she is not far wrong. The societal pressure and the 'family friend' factor is true with Indian relationships which makes the Indian male a far less adventurous and reckless than his western counterpart (Kevin Spacey changes his lifestyle completely). In the end Amitabh (playing the typical Indian male) prefers to live on in a fantasy world rather than take any steps to improve his situation.
That is perhaps one of the main reasons, while all Indian families do not enjoy a happily married life, the divorce rate is not as high as in the western world.
People do continue to live unhappy lives than resisting societal pressure to split. Especially people who have been married for a long time.
The scenery is excellent and the background music is good too!
The girls are cute!
While most people are going ga-ga over Jiah Khan I liked Shradha Arya (playing Amitabh's daughter) better. Shradha looks cute when she cries and her eyes are deadly. She was the runner up of the Best Cinestar Ki Khoj competition.
There are quite a few negatives in the story. It just seems like a weeks worth of episodes for a soap opera. A very short story is stretched to fit two hours.
Revathi plays the standard role of the 'suffering in silence' housewife. There are no twists to the story. No excitement to grab the attention of the audience.
The CAMERA! Why does it go flying all over the place ALL the time?
OK the SCENERY is BEAUTIFUL but do we need to see N number of different views of Amitabh's 'estate' through the 'magical flying camera'.
Oh and why the use of fish-eye and wide-angle lenses? We really don't need to see the interiors of the house in wide-angle!
I have one serious issue with the whole concept of Jiah being from a split home and having spent time in Australia?
Does the director want to show that Indian girls are not capable of falling in love with older men?
Or does one need to have family issues / influence of foreign culture to do so?
The tagline is 'some love stories are never meant to be understood'
But this one is so simple to understand that its not even worth going into the details.
The tagline should have been 'there is nothing to understand in this love story'
Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd. a.k.a. The Marriage of Superman
Coma to Heart-Attack scale: High Blood Pressure (8/10)
Bollywood directors and producers have still not understood the importance of a good storyline. Bringing together a bunch of good actors with a below average story doesn't provide for an entertaining few hours!
It was a different movie with the usual cliches. In some parts its brilliant in others disappointing.
I gave it 8/10 because this movie breaks several barriers. Especially the complexities of gay - straight marriages.
It is a good start and I am sure in the future movies will improve and build upon the basic theme of this movie. Very few directors can get such a complex situation right in the first try.
Another amazing point about this movie, it introduces bisexual men in Bollywood movies.
Go watch this movie!
The other day a friend of mine told me that one day someone told her that she looks better in photographs than she does in real life. This 'someone' cares for her.
Firstly we should look better in photographs because we usually show only those pictures in which we look happy and at our best!
Specific to girls:
Well I think when you are with a girl you should not oogle at her like you are oogling at a pornographic picture. Use your heart and your hands to understand her.
When you want to use your eyes, use them to look into her eyes.
You will see the depths of life in them.
Just like when you go to a temple you don't oogle at God. Instead you lower your eyes, bring your hands together and open your heart in worship.
In other words treat girls with respect because whether they look good or not in real life, they are the ones who can actually create and carry LIFE.
Keep them happy and they will make sure you remain happy too!
The screen-shot above shows the advertisement of Lockheed Martin the same bunch of people who make the F-16 fighter (and other nice things).
I wonder why they are advertising on www.timesofindia.com next to ad's for 'easy money transfers' to India and matrimonial sites.
Must be their new method for opening the 'Indian' arms market and to muscle the Russians out of it.
I wonder what will happen if all the countries of the world have similar weapons? Owning weapons has almost become a status symbol and not a question of security any more. The general reasoning goes: if our neighbours have X then we need X+1.
World is becoming a funny place to live in! Next I guess we will find Lockheed Martin selling Paveway laser guided bombs on www.indiatimes.com
;)
My Caribbean girl type friend found this pick-up line I made very amusing:
Step into my Ferrari said the spider to the fly.
I am sure of it now. I am not destined to meet normal girls in this life time!
A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me the following question related to relationships and girls:Q: Azahar, don't you think you should be selfish in life sometimes?
I replied that no, being selfish is never good. Ideally you should never be selfish.
A: What is mine will never be taken, what is taken was never mine.
Such a funny cartoon with a painful twist. Can a normal job be so painful that it kills your spirit?
I love the following line from the cartoon, they are quite beautiful:
What pain can it be that the grave seems the only place where you will find final rest (thus you dream of the grave). What kind of darkness can leave you feeling alone and unloved on a sunny afternoon with flowers blooming around you. The feeling of complete and utter failure.Darkness fills my days... I dream of the grave.
Has the Tech. Outsourcing to India reached its peak?
Read this first:
http://gigaom.com/2007/02/18/troubling-signs-for-indian-tech-outsourcers/#comment-654693
Well the reason that Google is such a hot employer is because of the work culture and brand name it offers.
Most of the Indian outfits like TCS and Wipro are run almost like govt. departments with a very different and restrictive work environment.
Also now we are getting better quality work in India. In IT outsourcing focus has shifted from just coding to other things like R&D and Business Analysis.
Furthermore we should not forget that much of the ‘Indian Talent’ doesn’t remain in India for long. They head off for greener pastures to do their bachelors or masters. Many manage to find jobs in their adopted countries itself and settle there.
But in the recent past there has been an encouraging reversal to this. Students prefer to come back to India after their studies are completed.
India is not seen as a dead end kind of place any more. With a foreign degree in your hands you automatically become highly qualified. Thus the Indian student knows that their chances of finding a job in a top notch co. in India are much better than in their adopted country.
While there needs to be a shift within the Indian companies from bespoke development and services to product development backed by top notch R&D these things cannot come up overnight.
The Indian IT industry is just now waking up from the boom times… now that the headlong rush towards big money is easing off it is the perfect time to take stock of the situation and to plan ahead for the next big thing.
