Recently my blog was called 'the most depressing thing on Earth' by one of my friends. This made me strangely happy!
I wanted to create a garden, all I ended up with was a desert.
Yet the desert has its own beauty, it changes, new patterns, new trails.
A garden, while pretty, remains the same.
I wonder why do people get depressed reading things which should inspire them to fight pain and sadness. If I can stand here and talk about some of the things that go on in my life then why can't people do the same especially with the ones they trust and love? Why do people prefer to live on without hope and happiness rather than just letting it all out?
This post is not about pain. Pain is but a resultant. What scars our psyche is the pain, yet the pain is only the resultant. The true source is the incident or the happening which caused the pain. This post is about dealing with the true source of the pain and getting to live a new life.
The whole process of pain is bit like flooding. The pain is the water, the cause might be heavy rains, broken water mains or a burst dam. Once the flood retreats we can see the actual damage. The same way the true effect of the pain is seen once the pain is gone.
If we extend this analogy the repair of damage is the healing process.
Further extending this analogy, if a water pipe has burst the resulting damage can be fixed by the house-owners on their own. If a river has broken its banks then the repairs can be carried out by the local community. But if a dam breaks or there are heavy rains over a large area then external help is required since usually all support services of the affected region are crippled.
Similarly, sometimes the resulting damage (from a slightly painful experience) to our thought process can be repaired just by clearing our head. Go watch a movie, listen to some music and your mind is clear and fresh. The pain is no longer there. But in case the damage is more then we may need the support of our family and trusted friends. For example when one is going through a breakup the support of close friends is most important in making the person feel positive.
There are few incidents, which are so powerful in themselves that they have the power of changing your life, thoughts and destiny within seconds. I call such an incident a 'Stamp of God' on your thought process. Many people may find that they are overwhelmed by the incident. People just collapse. Life doesn't seem worth living. That is when they may need external support. Maybe psychiatric help.
It is also quite true that the only way you can help yourself sometimes is by helping others. Sometimes when you connect with others trying to repair the damage and help them with the rebuilding, you yourself find yourself healing.
There is a big problem with deep psychological damage: it is difficult to repair. It requires taking big steps and often people have trust issues with allowing others (especially psychiatrist) to help them take those steps. They say 'how can I talk to a stranger about this' or 'I don't want this to spread' or 'I don't want so and so to get into trouble because of this'. A statement which I have come across quite often is 'I just don't want to talk about it'.
If you have heard such statements then I can feel your frustration for not being able to help those who you love and care about. But you must remember that while your support is ALWAYS important for them yet everyone deals with the damage differently. Don't let your frustration remove the support that you give to them. While they may not explicitly show that you are helping them dealing with the damage, your support does mean a lot to them!Remember... everything changes. While damage due to pain might be extensive... the human nature ensures that it can be repaired fully.
