After writing about the changes that have come about in the lives of a typical student going to UK for studies I started thinking about what I felt during those days. I wanted to form a step by step sequence of how my emotions changed as I left India and settled in UK.
Maybe it will help prepare future students and workers heading outside India for a significant amount of time for what they will feel.
Step 1: Denial
This is the first step. This occurs when the plans are being laid down for the course or job and the paperwork has started. Information is on a strictly need-to-know basis and everything is done with as little fuss as possible. One denies the fact that one would actually end up successfully getting all the paperwork done. This is done from the point of view of minimising the impact of failure (or at-least trying to minimise it!). This state of denial exists till the paperwork is completed and the visa is approved. Maybe it will help prepare future students and workers heading outside India for a significant amount of time for what they will feel.
Step 1: Denial
Step 2: Pride
This is the 'high' phase where you break the news to everyone around you (friends, family etc.) that you are going to be travelling abroad. Overnight you become the VVVVVIP in your friend and family circles. You also become a source of envy, inspiration and stupid examples given by other parents to their kids. People start treating you like some kind of a demi-God. All your close friends clear out their appointment books for the time ahead because 'you are leaving'. This phase pumps you up for the bad times ahead. You feel like a Warrior leading troops to war and all the people around you are cheering you on! This state lasts till one week before your departure date.
Step 3: Exile
One week before the day your leaving a feeling starts somewhere at the back of your mind which breaks through all the funfair around you. It makes you realise you are not a Warrior, more like an exiled prisoner whose family members and friends are actually mourning inside that you won't be here. But in the long it is not going to make any difference because friends and family will remain back home, their life will go on and things will continue. It is you who will be sitting in a strange country surrounded by strangers. Thus you start feeling like you are being exiled away from all that you know and love. You start asking yourself why the hell did you even think of going out and leaving your home. This is where you start falling. The last night at home is the toughest. You will feel every nerve in your body thrumming like a wire, absorbing home and thinking about where you will be in a few hours time. The bed feels like a funeral pyre as your emotions are burnt away into smoke. When you get up to get ready for airport you feel like a emotionless piece of flesh. You feel numb. This phase lasts till you are at the airport and are being seen off. That is when the Spike of Pain hits.
Step 4: Pain
The way a dead heart is revived using electric shock, the numbness of Exile is removed with the Spike of Pain. It is inserted in your heart as you realise that this is it. It maybe the last time you are meeting any of these people (Who knows where life takes you? Many people never come back!). The pain wakes you up. You get busy with the airport formalities and the Spike of Pain remains inside, throbbing, reminding you that you are human. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. You want to cry. But can't. Not in public! Wait for the flight. Yes when the passengers are sleeping, you can cry. The Spike of Pain drains itself by the time flight arrives and you complete the formalities at the arrivals. This is perhaps the lowest point of the entire journey.
Step 5: Rebirth
As you step out of the airport and the strange new sights, sounds, smells and sensations hit you, you feel reborn. You realise why you are here. You realise that this is a fresh new game with fresh new rules and fresh new players! Life is laid out in front of you like a buffet. And you are a man/woman hungry for experiences. The emotions and the pain are by now a distant memory. The brain starts working, planning, listing, sorting, remembering, thinking!
Step 3: Exile
One week before the day your leaving a feeling starts somewhere at the back of your mind which breaks through all the funfair around you. It makes you realise you are not a Warrior, more like an exiled prisoner whose family members and friends are actually mourning inside that you won't be here. But in the long it is not going to make any difference because friends and family will remain back home, their life will go on and things will continue. It is you who will be sitting in a strange country surrounded by strangers. Thus you start feeling like you are being exiled away from all that you know and love. You start asking yourself why the hell did you even think of going out and leaving your home. This is where you start falling. The last night at home is the toughest. You will feel every nerve in your body thrumming like a wire, absorbing home and thinking about where you will be in a few hours time. The bed feels like a funeral pyre as your emotions are burnt away into smoke. When you get up to get ready for airport you feel like a emotionless piece of flesh. You feel numb. This phase lasts till you are at the airport and are being seen off. That is when the Spike of Pain hits.
Step 4: Pain
The way a dead heart is revived using electric shock, the numbness of Exile is removed with the Spike of Pain. It is inserted in your heart as you realise that this is it. It maybe the last time you are meeting any of these people (Who knows where life takes you? Many people never come back!). The pain wakes you up. You get busy with the airport formalities and the Spike of Pain remains inside, throbbing, reminding you that you are human. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. You want to cry. But can't. Not in public! Wait for the flight. Yes when the passengers are sleeping, you can cry. The Spike of Pain drains itself by the time flight arrives and you complete the formalities at the arrivals. This is perhaps the lowest point of the entire journey.
Step 5: Rebirth
As you step out of the airport and the strange new sights, sounds, smells and sensations hit you, you feel reborn. You realise why you are here. You realise that this is a fresh new game with fresh new rules and fresh new players! Life is laid out in front of you like a buffet. And you are a man/woman hungry for experiences. The emotions and the pain are by now a distant memory. The brain starts working, planning, listing, sorting, remembering, thinking!
Then it strikes you.....you are here to do great things... your return will be celebrated.... you are indeed an exiled warrior.
Then you smile.
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