Sometimes I feel dead. A bringer of death. Death itself.
I never thought Id find myself this close to you.
You know who you are.
If you search your mind you know who I am.
Every time I close my eyes.
I can see your face.
I do.
I see.
It drives me mad.
Searching.
Alone... always.
I know I have not been able to get into your heart but why!
Ive got to have your love.
I love you.
I LOVE YOU.
Added later: My love is like a nuclear reactor and alcohol is the coolant. But it does meltdown now and then like it did yesterday.
People say India is shining. That it has finally found its place in the world. I would say its burning. Burning brightly. Consuming itself as it burns.
India is not as strong as it seems. We are divided. Getting low on clean water and land to live on. Even though the population growth has shown some signs of slowing it is not happening fast enough. It is our sheer luck that just when we are facing our biggest challenges we find ourselves best able to face them. Confused?
Well while we are facing these problems our economy continues to boom. It is booming with a bang. Why? Because at this point in time the biggest chunk of our population is formed by young people. Economically productive young people. Young people being driven by values different from their forefathers. Fires of economic not political freedom burn in their hearts.
At this time of growth who has most to fear from us. Not our pesky neighbors. They can never challenge us on the economic front. There is only one country who has anything to fear. More specifically a set of people in that country. I am talking about the US of A and its top financial community. They have most to gain from keeping our country mired in problems both of political and economic nature. If India ever breaks free (as it is starting to now) they know that our population has the exact same drive the founders of America had.
We can challenge American superiority, if not on the military front, then most certainly on the economic front. What happens when from being call center slaves providing 'technical support' we become the thinking leaders of the world. When we give direction instead of taking it.
When an executive sitting in Mumbai decides what products should be sold in soothern California.
This is a nightmare scenario for the US. It is in their interest to keep us busy chasing after small things like a seat on the UN Security council and petty Nuclear deals. We should concentrate on ourselves so that we are ASKED to sit on the UN SC instead of going around begging members to allow us to sit on the UN SC.
I think if we look into the heart of the current world affairs we will find that it is in US interest to have middle east, Kashmir and other such sensitive regions as flashpoints for conflict.
Take away the wasted resources being pumped into Kashmir what do you get? India with extra money for development (even after bribes!). Take away the conflict in Iraq what do you get? A massive oil exporting country which is not dominated by US policy (thats why they had to get rid of Saddam). Remove the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and what do you get? The removal of US influence in that region as the main peacekeeper (thus loosing influence).
Let us not forget this fact of life even as we work for US companies. After all subjugation is just one step away from rebellion...
maVen says:
girls are supposed to be dumb
maVen says:
hahahaha
maVen says:
- when it comes to guys
¿¯Må\/€®î©k ¯¿ says:
that's your individual con tation about girls.. so i can t comment on that
maVen says:
hahahah no actually im just expressing a popular opinion
¿¯Må\/€®î©k ¯¿ says:
very funny
¿¯Må\/€®î©k ¯¿ says:
maVen says:
backed up by years of first hand experience
maVen says:
and several case studies
¿¯Må\/€®î©k ¯¿ says:
¿¯Må\/€®î©k ¯¿ says:
case studies
maVen says:
maVen says:
hahahahaha
¿¯Må\/€®î©k ¯¿ says:
ur mad
maVen says:
THANKS!
Well it seems to be the popular opinion among girls that I am mad!
:D
honey_blossom0: she looks like my cousin jamie
XY: who smruthy?
honey_blossom0: yes
honey_blossom0: your smruthy
honey_blossom0: lol
XY: hahahahahaha
XY: hahahahahahhaha
honey_blossom0: lol
XY: thats what i like about u
XY: u perform open heart surgery without knocking the patient out
There she goes teasing me again.
:)
Honey is a gem.. I just dont know what kind yet.
This is what I was feeling like all day Wednesday (15th Feb. 2006). It was a day I was put under so much pressure and yet managed to survive and fight the pressure (without have a heart attack or totally loosing my sanity. I managed to over come it.
People think just because you are a PhD STUDENT life is cool. No its not so. In a PhD its worse.
In an office you will have (if you are lucky) just a few bad days at work. In a PhD you will definitely have only a very few bad days at work (most of the bad days occour when you are on your own!).
But those very few bad days squeeze all the hurt into one tiny pill which you end up eating. It is a killer day. If you survive you learn something.
This time I learned to trust myself. That I am not as weak as I think I am. Also I learnt not to have blind faith in myself. Because I am also not as invincible as I think I am.
God and good luck can only provide you with limited help.
:)
A.
23rd June 1985. A calm Sunday morning over the north Atlantic.
Over Ireland an Air India flight (AI-182) was making its way towards London followed by a TWA flight.
Most people don't know what happened next. The name of the AI plane was Kanishka.
Still don't know what happened next?
Sometime around 7:14 GMT a bomb in the luggage hold of the AI plane exploded. All 329 passengers on board died. Some died as the plane broke up at 31,000 feet others fell with the mangled remains of AI 182 into the sea where they drowned. I can't imagine the terror finding yourself falling from a burning aircraft when moments ago you were enjoying a Hindi movie in the comfort of the aircraft cabin.
Check out this excellent website: http://www.flight182.com/index.htm
Terrorists. They killed 329 innocent people. Why? Just because they wanted an independent state? It is pathetic. Independence doesn't come by killing innocent people. It comes when you are ready to sacrifice yourself before others. It doesn't come by destroying life. It comes by making sure that YOUR life has a meaning.
They should make a movie on the 329 martyrs. They made sure Punjab is a part of India and that there is peace. Sacrifice... that is the key.
Do you agree?
"only with love u can feel real sexuality"
Is sex without love really not that good? Do you really need to make love and not just have raw sex?
I think sex without love is like pizza without toppings.
:D
Arti says:
well
Losing my sanity says:
well :D
Losing my sanity says:
?
Arti says: :D
you are stupid
Arti says: :D
Arti says:
happy
Losing my sanity says:
hehehehe
Losing my sanity says:
yes yes :D VERY!
The meds must be making me crazy.
I actually spent 2 hours going through profiles (of girls) at Shaadi.com (matrimonial site) having a good laugh at my own foolishness. I was looking at girls from Bristol. But the REALLY SCARY bit was when I nearly put up my own profile on Shaadi.com. I thought the registration form was for.. well.. registration purposes only. But when I found myself filling a textbox labeled as 'About yourself' I realized what I was actually doing. I was creating a profile on Shaadi.com. For a second I thought about going ahead and putting my profile on the site. Just for fun even!
But then I got scared. What if I actually GOT a response. That nearly made me pee in my pajamas.
Most people say that they 'invite trouble on themselves'.
I have this habit of first inviting trouble and then following up the invitation with a phone call to ensure that indeed trouble is on its way.
But my trawl through the site wasn't all useless. Maybe picked up some interesting nuggets. ;)
Luck beats data-mining any day.
I am back in Bristol after an eventful 50 odd days in India.
Lots of new things happened. I explored some long forgotten rooms of my heart. Rebuilt some old connections and strengthened the new ones.
The time of switch-over from New Delhi to Bristol is always a tough one for me. I always end up feeling really sad and depressed because I know the next time I go home another year would have passed.
Maybe this year I will go back home for good? After all this is the final year of my Ph.D.
I end up thinking always that I am a very fragile person. A smallest vibration can shake me to pieces.
A friend of mine talked about motivation.
What is that one thing which gets you out of your bed on a day you wake up wishing you were dead?
What motivates you then?
I think its a combination of two things. Firstly the thoughts and blessings of the people who truly love you. Secondly the more primitive instinct to survive against all odds.
While blessings set the stage for you, its up to the primitive instincts to make you want to grab that sword and wade into the battlefield that is Life.
Blessings help us when we are wounded on the battlefield of Life. It helps us when we have been seperated from our mates. When we are surrounded. It helps us when we die on this battlefield since on a battlefield Death is never far.
Death here means failure.
When we are sent back to the healing room to be revived.
To re-enter the melee.
To fight on.
