Dowry

READ THIS FIRST (ALSO READ THE COMMENTS!)


Great to see so much talk being generated about this issue. But thats where it usually stops. We are all ready to back social issues in principle. But when we find ourselves in a similar situation we tend to take the easy way out: When in Rome do as the Romans do.
In the end, as it has always been, the success of the play depends on the main actoress and her abilities. If the bride has courage and determination then no one can dare do anything.
Even her parents would gain strength from the fact that their daughter is bold and able to handle such issues.

But how will the daughter become bold?

Most Indian woman are sexist when it comes to relationships. They want the guy to take initiative. Once they do that they have already handed the control over to the guys side.
As we are seeing today girls (esp. in metro cities) are starting to take the initiative. I would like to see someone asking for a dowry from a well educated working professional of a girl. A girl who is aware of what she can do.

Finally as far as giving away your daughter in style is concerned I think as long as it is the brides family doing it without pressure from the grooms side, it is ok.
Even if they do it because of social pressure. After all everyone tries to have the best possible image in the society they live in.

Its the same with those people who have posted on this blog. In the society we move around in (probably well educated people) if you said dowry was a good thing you would become a social outcast.

The same way in a village if you say dowry is a bad thing you become a social outcast.

In the end remember human being is a social animal. And whether for good or for bad we always try to adjust to our surroundings and society. The few of those who don't are called visionaries or crackpots. But it takes courage to be either.


DOWRY PART 2
READ THIS FIRST (ALSO READ THE COMMENTS!)

again while I agree to the fact that if more people end up questioning the concept of dowry (esp. men looking to get married) it would become a taboo, I don't think society is a uniform creature.
The society of well educated forward thinking people, that is often to be found only in major cities, would certainly benefit from such kind of questioning. In fact such a society has a high sense of ethics and morality(at least in public!) so they know at some level that dowry is bad. Thus you will find them vociferously protesting against various social evils at all the right places.

But the society WE make does not in any way extend or connect with the society which actively practices the evil of dowry (to be found in the smaller cities). Thus we do not have a great influnce on them.

Now I agree with you that dowry is a very bad thing and like you said social pressure does encourage it. But my question is.. how do we influence a society so very different from ours?
How do we translate a seminar in an A/C auditorium (I hope it was) into action in a small town where everyone (almost!) thinks that girls are a burden?

In the end it comes down to the classical reply given by people who are struggling under a rotten system when you try and show them the way out: 'But we have to live here, we can't go against the system, you will go away who will help us then?'

I think you cannot remove the social pressure. You need to start not with the adults. They have already had their values/morals/ethics hard wired.
Start with the kids. Start with the female child.

Like I mentioned the new generation of educated working women are ready to kick ass. They are still in minority but the numbers are surely increasing (like you said a start has been made!). This concept will slowly reach the smaller cities.
And thats how you will remove dowry.

Dowry exists because somewhere in the mind of the typical Indian female exists a major inferiority complex. They define themselves by their man. They know/think/believe that without a man they cannot survive in society.
This complex is what is exploited when demanding dowry.

When does support turn into supplication in a girls mind I don't know. Maybe that is the reason Indian families don't break up that easily w.r.t. some countries. The women learn to sacrifice their individuality for the greater good of the family.
In the major cities we see as women get more independent the divorce rates are on a rise.
Maybe these two things are tied in.

On one side the dominated female (Happy Families but evils like dowry, bride burning etc.) on the other side the dominating female (Happy Families but evils like extra-mar. affairs/families torn apart by divorce etc.)

What would you choose?