On Good Friday I went along the Atlantic Highway (A39).
I was watching a Hindi movie yesterday. It had some scenes of family life. An almost complete family with a grand mother, father, daughter and son. A happy family.
It made me realise that living away from home and having no contact with any kind of family out here has made me loose those emotions. I just feel cold emotionally. Three years of living away from home with a month long trip back once a year. It hasn't left much scope for exercising these basic emotions.
I guess everyone must feel a degree of emotional vaccume when they live away from home for a length of time. Does it make us very cold emotionally? Do we loose the ability to love someone from the depths of our heart? Can we ever feel comfortable in a family setting? Or have we lost the ability to have any kind of 'family' based emotions?
One thing I do know, when you leave home you need to kill a part of you. Some people manage to kill it off completely but with me I have just damaged that part... it continues to bleed... and it will never heal.
I haven't seen or felt one yet.
I don't believe in them.
In horror movies they show ghosts running around in a graveyard. How is that possible? Aren't people laid to rest under the sign of God? How can we have restless spirits there?
I guess you are safest in a graveyard from all kinds of evil spirits. :D
But in the end it is just about opening your mind to superstitions. Once your mind is open you end up seeing all kinds of funny stuff!
Remember mind is the most powerful engine around. It can lead to great good as well as great evil!
;)
Yesterday me and my housemate were watching TV while eating dinner. I was going through the TV guide when I saw that we had some of the Hindi TV channels (Star Plus and Star News) free for a week.
Now since we had nothing better to do we decided to watch a soap opera (something which mostly women watch back home!).
The name of the soap was 'Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki' which means (approximately) 'story of a common house'. The only problem is, as my friend put it, the serial had nothing to do with reality. In fact it was SO far from reality that probably it would make a nice fairy tale for children. Of course there was also nothing 'common' about the houses or the people they show.
Here are some common trends in Indian soaps:
1) All women are super sexy looking even the old ones.
2) Women are decked out in 'full gear' through out the day which includes jewellery, sexy saris, makeup and ofcourse that good old sindoor.
3) Inspite of all the clothes and stuff they manage to do their daily duties (god only knows how but I hope I get a wife like that!) without breaking into a sweat or smearing their makeup.
4) People never look their age. Often mother-daughter pairs look like sisters.
5) Kids grow at exponential rate into adults (about 6 months worth of episodes) or don't grow at all (like good old Archies comics).
6) Adults always look and stay the same year after year (magic of makeup and soft focus!).
7) Old people never die and look like all nice and presentable (nothing like real life.. hell no!).
8) All the families (even the poor ones) life in houses that look more like a small luxury hotel!
9) The households never seem to have any problems with electricity, water or any other such day to day problems.
:D
And the name of the serials inspire such commonality.
Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki -> Story of a common house.
Kasauti Zindagi Ki -> The foundation of life.
Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi -> Because Once upon a time even a mother-in-law was a daughter-in -law.
Amazing!
I am not drunk (for once!) and I am not depressed.
Sometimes you just need to think some things through. Even if it does seem counter-productive to think them.
I am in a catch 22 situation.
I haven't spoken with the girl I love for a long time now. She is busy. I am free. Yet I don't see myself making that extra effort to reach out and touch her. Why do it I ask myself. Why bother her specially since she doesnt believe in outward show of emotions? Keep the pain inside you my heart thinks. It is just a matter of time before she would be well and truly beyond my reach. I don't mean the geographical seperation. I mean a seperation of emotions. A seperation lasting a life time. A seperation of the mind, body and soul.
But maybe I don't get a response because I am not responding myself. Too confusing.
Why does love have to be like a detective novel where all actions (implicit and explicit) have to read and re-read to find out their correct meaning. Clues pieced together bit by bit.
Where if you assume wrongly you loose more than just your self-respect. Where does the scrambling of signals take place and cause confusion to prevent two humans from just admitting that they love each other.
The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can’t seem to forget
When you came along
The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Ever wonder if it's all for you
The world I love
The trains I hop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
