The Airtel Re-activation Saga

The Appeal:


This is the story of how one man, with the help of a woman, managed to rescue his Airtel mobile connection from the menace of Permanent Disconnect.

The story starts when our hero lands in his hometown. Between struggling with hand luggage and observing the new airport terminal, he juggles with his cellphone, trying to get it working.
Soon the Immigration desks fell far behind and the phone was still refusing to connect to the Airtel network.
After the baggage collection was a distant memory, with the cell phone showing the dreaded words 'Limited Service', our hero resigned himself to a long journey home without his cellphone. Already the fear of a protracted struggle to get it restarted was growing within him as he sighted his home.
All the while our hero was struggling with the reason for the failure of the cell phone connection. He knew the cell connection had enough credit and it had been working 2-3 weeks ago when he had tested it.


Our hero was fully confused and disconnected. He could not tell anyone he was home! After several hours of struggling with the cell phone the hero decided to consult the Facebook Oracle to resolve the mystery of 'Limited Service'.
The Facebook Oracle advised our hero that he had not proven himself to Airtel. That is why his cell connection might have been 'temporarily disconnected'.


The very next day the hero with his fairy queen wife by his side strode into the local Airtel office to prove himself. He carried with him the papers of the land bearing the seals of Ruler.
The office was a hotbed of lethargy and every worker there was infused with the singular desire to do nothing. Using his Shield of Patience the hero managed to obtain the information from the staff about his connection. The Oracle was right. He would have to prove himself.
The office staff told him that he would have to prove himself not to them but to the Airtel high office in the deepest and darkest dungeons of the land, otherwise known as 'Nehru Place'.


The Application:
A new day dawned and the hero again set out with his fairy queen wife towards the Airtel high office. But minutes after entering 'Nehru Place' the hero and his fairy queen wife were lost. But the hero was lucky to find a Dungeon Troll, also known as a Delhi Police Constable, harassing the local population. The Dungeon Troll pointed the hero towards a different, smaller Airtel office instead of the one that the hero was seeking.


So the hero and his wife arrive at the small Airtel office. As the hero opens the door to the office waves of hot, stale air as if from a dragon's mouth assaults him. Luckily the hero is wearing his Aura of Armani. The fairy queen uses her magical hands to keep the door open to get rid of the hot air while the hero ventures forth into the office.


Within the office the hero finds two staff members flirting with each other. A sister seeking 'Activation' for her brother and father. A bored-to-death clerk busy counting bank notes. And between this quagmire of human emotions the hero manages to get his application accepted. While he is waiting the fairy queen, angered by the apparent suffering of the sister, unleashes a fireball of complaints at the zombie-like staff. They wither in front of her onslaught and quickly hide.


By then the hero receives the word that his proving has been successful but it will take 7 circles of the sun to get the connection restored.


Now what will our hero do. Will he wait 7 days or will he activate his magical powers?


The Wait:
But our hero is very resourceful and blessed with great friends. He approaches his friend who is a High Priest at Airtel. The High Priest promises to see what can be done to speed up the process. As the documents have already been submitted the hero sees no reason for the re-activation to take 7 days!


One day turns into two and then three days. On the third day he receives a happy message from Airtel saying 'All izzz well'. The hero swings into action and tries to make his first call to his fairy queen but the Airtel witch intercepts the call and informs the hero that he has 'insufficient balance to complete the call'.
Which is surprising because the office staff at Airtel had promised him that he would get all his balance from the previous re-charge sent to his connection after re-activation. Sure enough after using the magical spell of *123# the hero found that he had no credit!


But the hero knew that he better get a small recharge done so that at least he had a working cell connection.


Thus ends the Airtel Re-activation Saga, with the hero already preparing himself for the great Airtel Battle for Balance Transfer!

A Perfect Double Bill... Do Dooni Char and Aashayien

It is rarely that I watch two new movies one after another. It is even rarer for me to enjoy both of them. So last week we sat down to watch Do Dooni Char (DDC) not planning to follow it up with any other movie. But the energy of DDC kindled this deep hunger within us to feast on another yummy movie. The movie we selected was Aashayien which lived up to its potential.

DDC is an amazing movie. I rate it a MUST WATCH especially for people who have lived for any length of time in Delhi. The movie feels like a Sunday brunch of aloo parantha and yoghurt (or a dinner of butter chicken and naan). Somehow they have managed to get the best out of Rishi Kapoor - Nitu Singh team and it is amazing to see how you start flowing with them in their day to day life.
It is a movie which combines the engaging story line of a serial like Nukkad with slick Bollywood production values.

Aashayien is another amazing movie. Completely different from the ordinary life of DDC. That is what makes the combination perfect. Imagine a Sunday brunch at home followed by a dinner at your favourite Italian place. Aashayien takes you far far away from the normalcy of daily life shown in DDC to a strange and difficult confrontation with death.
From challenges of daily life to challenges of a different magnitude.
Aashayein does take a bit of an open mind to go along with but it makes it all worth it. The movie tries not to dwell to much on the obvious and shows a new dimension in the struggle between life and death.

Go watch!

Then we saw Guzaarish two days later.
So from Sunday brunch to your favourite Italian to most exotic Central African cuisine.

Guzaarish: watch it at the theatre or forget about it. The story needs to be absorbed at all levels. The visuals/sets, music, atmosphere, acting, expressions are all very well put together. It does get a bit heavy in parts but these are thankfully short. Also you can say certain elements in the story stick out and prevent me from calling the movie a work of art. Kind of like putting up a cell phone tower on top of Taj Mahal.

Aakrosh (2010): Component-based Film Development At Its Best!

What is the most important element in a movie? There are several candidates to choose from including the story, the script, the editing and the acting.
For me it is the story. If the story is entertaining enough it will keep people talking about the film.
I think that Bollywood is either running out of this magic ingredient or is becoming very smart and seeking stories from outside the usual settings we find (e.g. gangsters, young love, family sagas etc.). Such stories promote 're-use' and 'adaptation' and lead to creative new cinema. Kind of like mixing ingredients from different cuisines to come up with exotic flavours. One such example is We Are Family.
Another thing to appreciate is that we have started acknowledging the source of the story and declaring openly when stories have been lifted from other movies/sources instead of just copying and claiming credit for originality.
But there are times when this re-use is stretched beyond reason. It is ok to to re-use or adapt stories but certainly not lift it scene for scene even if you repackage story elements to give it an Indian feel.
Aakrosh is guilty of doing just this. They have lifted Mississippi Burning (1988) scene for scene.
They have cleverly re-packaged story elements to use news-worthy issues which makes the final product easier to sell.
So FBI from Mississippi Burning is the Special Investigation Team of the CBI, segregation in southern state of Mississippi in the 1960s is repackaged as honour killings in Haryana, race issue is repackaged as a religious issue, sheriff of a small town is converted to the local inspector in a small town and so on... I could write a new blog post just to map out the massive repackaging effort that is Aakrosh.
But that is not the end of it. They have actually lifted full scenes from Mississippi Burning (MB) including the camera angles, dialogs and situations. I have not even seen Aakrosh (as it has not been released yet) but I can tell you, from the trailor, what each scene means and what is the general flow of conversation.
Two examples:
1) Bips being beaten by her husband and landing in hospital - the whole scene that follows with the fight between Akshay Khanna and Ajay Devgn which ends in Akshay Khanna pulling out a revolver on Ajay Devgn.
2) The whole sequence where a witness is taken in with his identity hidden using a cardboard box.

So all in all Aakrosh is looking like a pasta dish with 'desi-laal mirch ka tadka'. If they have done it well then the movie would be more than watchable. Trust me I have had pasta dish with desi-tadka. It tastes yummy! But if they have just lifted MB then it is a movie best left unseen.

Oh and Mr Priyadarshan... at least acknowledge the fact that you have lifted the whole concept and entire scenes from MB!

;)

Finally the Capital gets an ENZYME!

It may or may not be something to be proud of... today I found out that New Delhi, the capital of India has a enzyme named after it!
It is called the New Delhi-Metallo-1. The only problem is that this enzyme is not all that good for humans as it gives drug-resistance to bacteria!

It is causing a lot of worry (as usual) in UK and other European countries as the drug-resistance brought about by the enzyme means there are just 2 anti-biotics that are left for doctors to try and control the bacteria!

More here:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1302035/NDM-1-Alert-unbeatable-superbug-spread-worldwide.html

I think it is our corrupt politicians and babus who probably have loads of this enzyme which makes them resistant to all forms of checks and balances. Also probably the bacteria bribed them to get the enzyme.

;)

Chuski - Freedom at Midnight!

A common, after dinner plan, during the summer months, for people of Delhi is to have a cold and refreshing 'chuski' at India Gate.
Chuski is a lump of ice on a stick with flavoured syrup poured on top.


At India Gate every night, especially during the summer months, the air comes alive with the calls of chuski salesmen trying to attract customers.
The whole process of buying a chuski is very straight forward. Go pay (approx. 35/- per chuski as of June 2010) and get a token. Exchange token for the chuski.
The various flavours of syrup include:
- Kala Khatta (very famous flavour)
- Meetha (sweet)
- Khatta Meetha (sweet and sour)

You can get more syrup if you run out.

It was very good to see the people of India enjoying the warm weather and cold ice at the same spot where more than 60 years ago India gained its independence in the middle of the night.
It was good fun to see the place brimming with energy and life inspite of it being a weekday. Maybe it was the warm weather or something else that drives people to converge in the center of the city. Take a look around and you will find all kinds of people from all walks of life. Kids, teenagers, young couples, shouting policemen (trying to clear the VIP area of parked cars - after taking bribes), entire families stepping out of their brand new SUVs.

All in all being there are the middle of the night made me realise the power of India and the energy of its people. It is not a city which believes in switching off at 10pm!

Chuski Area:

Raajneeti - How to copy a classic and how to make babies..

The movie is a straight through adaptation of the Mahabharata. That said I found Shyam Benegal's Kalyug to be a better adaptation.

It has some stellar acting by the masters (Nana Patekar, Manoj Bajpai and Ajay Devgn) leading to certain very powerful scenes (I am not talking about the steamy sex scenes which have been chopped off by the censor board). Overall the movie is a mix of brilliant and B-grade moments. Just that the brilliant moments are really 'brilliant' making this movie worth watching.

But as usual our movie makers keep forgetting the two cardinal rules of film making:

1) Use an interesting concept don't abuse it! Just because the idea is good doesn't mean it needs to be used over and over again.

2) Some questions are good! Not all threads in the story need to be tied up neatly before the movies end. Just make sure the questions are logical and not the resultant of bad editing or story.

The concept of Mahabharata has been used over and over again till the movies becomes predictable, especially for people who have seen the TV series.
In trying to weave a complex tapestry of a story they end up with a lot of knotted threads.
The movie should have been shorter and the editing definitely could have been better.
For example
- just before the interval we find that Prithvi (Arjun Rampal) has been released from the prison. Now that would have been a good point for the intermission. But no.. we see another short scene where the party leader in hospital throws throws Pritvi out of the party.
- out of nowhere Katrina Kaif suddenly finds a load of loving for Arjun Rampal. So from putting blanket over a sleeping Arjun Rampal, Katrina makes the leap to full blown sex with him in the span of a few scenes. I don't think even a Ferrari can do a 0-100kmph that fast!

There are also some really funny dialogs lifted right out of the Mahabharata TV series ('tum mere jeshth putra ho').

This is one of those movies which you can neither recommend nor ask people to stay away.
My advice: wait for the DVD or at least wait for the public interest to die, instead of sitting through it in a housefull theatre.

The Economics of Iced Tea...

Location: Select City Walk, New Delhi

I had gone to Select City Walk (Saket) to do some shopping.
Since I love iced tea I thought I would treat myself to one from Barista. I went in and ordered the drink at the till. The guy replied '105 rupees sir'. My mouth dried up when I heard the cost!

Since I was on vacation I decided to shell out the money. But I went and stood near their counter as I wanted to observe what magical process they use to make a Rs. 105iced tea.

Well the process was dead easy:
- Take a cheap plastic 'glass'.
- Squeeze a bit of lemon juice from a plastic bottle.
- Squeeze a bit of sugar syrup from a plastic bottle.
- Fill the glass ALL the way up with ice (yeah! ice is cheap and takes up a lot of room!).
- Add some black tea.

I can bet the whole thing didn't cost Barista more than 10 rupees.

What I did end up paying for was the staff which didn't serve me all that much, the cool furniture which I didn't sit on, the air-conditioning which I did not take any advantage off and some board games which I had no one to play with! Oh and let us not forget: the Barista logo on that cheap plastic glass.

Photographed by Google!

In 2008 I posted a few pictures of the Google car taking pictures for the 'street view' feature.
Yesterday I checked the street view (on Google Maps) for the area where I had photographed the car and I was surprised to find my picture taken by the Google car!

Here is me walking down the road as the Google car takes my pic:

Going for the CHERRY...

I saw the above ad for a mobile phone in Times Of India (14/04/10). I am sure it breaks quite a few intellectual property laws. ;)
I wonder what blackBERRY have to say about this?

All that aside it just shows how easy it is to buy a 'smartphone' in India!

;)

Hence Proved ;)

ABC: u see gals dont have sense
-

XYZ: whatever ABC
I am fed up of hearing this for the past 7 years
u truely need to come up with something better
-

ABC: well facts do become boring after a while
-

XYZ: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
-

ABC: i mean would you get excited if someone told you that the earth is round
-

XYZ: who cares man
if earth is round
-

ABC: hahahah seeee
-

The Blind Side (2009)

The Blind Side
After watching this movie there was just one thought in my head:
Why are all the Oscar winning movies so amazing and why are all the Filmfare Award winning movies so random and stupid?
One thing is quite clear, the Oscars do not care about how much money a movie makes. It is a shame the same cannot be said about the largest film industry in the world (Bollywood).
The Blind Side is a beautiful movie. Very well directed and very smooth. Even though it deals with some heavy issues it makes sure to give a balanced view. The movie is based on actual events and all the characters shown in the movie are real.
Won't reveal more about the movie. Will just say go and watch it. Amazing performance by Sandra Bullock, she deserved the Oscar for this.

Love, Sex Aur Dhokha (LSD)

Love, Sex Aur Dhokha (LSD) (2010)
You will love this movie.
This is a very different breed of movie coming out of the Bollywood stables. The reason for that is that LSD written and directed by Dibakar Banerjee (DB) who is known for movies with very different concepts (e.g. 'Khosla Ka Ghosla' and 'Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye').
I won't spoil the story by dissecting the movie and will just say WATCH IT!
With this movie DB has opened up a new area for Bollywood to explore. Oh and whoever says that this movie is based on 'DPS RKP mms episode' is stupid.
;)

Shutter Island - a psychological thriller done right

Shutter Island (2010)
The movie is an excellent psychological thriller directed by Martin Scorcese (who also directed 'The Departed'). Amazing movie, amazing atmosphere and amazing actors (mainly Leonardo di Caprio) makes this movie... well amazing. Make sure you catch this on the big screen. If you can't for some reason and end up watching it at home then make sure you switch off the mobile because this is a one sitting movie.
One word of warning though: this movie will only draw you in if you are bit patient. During certain parts (especially in the first half) the movie can get a bit slow. But sure enough your patience will be rewarded in the second half of the movie.
The people who made Karthik Calling Karthik should have read the book 'Shutter Island' is based on before starting. It would have taught them how to create an atmosphere and that IT IS ALL RIGHT TO LEAVE THE AUDIENCE WITH QUESTIONS! In fact it encourages the audience to watch the movie again.
Or maybe they should have just gone ahead and asked Martin Scorcese to direct the movie.
;)

Kathik Calling Karthik - beware of your telephone instrument!

This was one movie where my expectations were low to start with (mainly because I managed to guess the central plot after the first scene) but increased after the first 30 minutes or so.
Mainstream Hindi movies have this nasty habit of wanting to answer all questions and leave nothing to the imagination even if that requires them to kill an interesting story.
This movie suffers from the same problem. By the time the movie was about 80% complete there were so many questions floating around I KNEW that they would need something to quickly wrap up the movie. In fact that is exactly what happened.
One did not expect such a tame ending where the movie wraps up in about 20 mins (time it if you want!).
The only message of the movie is 'make sure you are aware of all the features of your telephone'.
;)

Rann (2010) - A real fairy tale...

The movie is good even though the plot is a simple one of good guys win and bad guys loose. Excellent acting by some big names and crisp implementation of the above mentioned simple plot mixed with some good camera work (fisheye lens and floating cams - hallmark of Ramu) and posh locations makes Rann a nice, entertaining movie.

For those who were expecting connections with reality or any kind of realistic coverage of the play between politics and media... they should go watch Page 3. For people expecting to see the industry-politics game being played... they should go watch Corporate. This is nowhere close to a Madhur Bhandarkar movie.

Why? Because Rann does not do justice to the complex and floating reality of this game. Rann starts out in the grey area, connecting with several 'real' events, but soon the black and white squares are clearly visible. You can easily label the good and bad guys unlike in the real world where it is very difficult to do the same in the political arena.

In any kind of big scam, sting operation or scandel no one has the complete information. No one can be painted black or white. Most times media is the one responsible for creating this grey area.

While Rann makes several important points about media and how it is used and abused, it is in no way a ground breaking movie. Still watch it! I guarantee you won't be bored.

:)

My Name is Khan... Rizwan Khan and I am Autistic!

The movie has done four very important things:
1) Introduced autism to the Indian audience.
2) Shown the America outside the glitzy cities.
3) Managed to bring together foreign and Indian actors seamlessly.
4) Shown the future of Indian cinema - collaboration with foreign studios.

This movie is a rough diamond. It has various bits going for it. The fact that it shows life in suburban America as well as in the smaller towns of the American south. Most Bollywood movies restrict themselves to big cities, typically shooting few critical scenes on location and finishing the rest in Mumbai.
Also the interaction between foreign and Indian actors is amazingly seamless. It must be a first for any movie coming out of a main-stream big budget production house. Maybe the reason for that is the fact that majority of the cast is foreign. The 'friends' do not feel pasted on.
Even though I found it hard to feel the much touted chemistry between Kajol and SRK, I could feel some kind of a chemistry between SRK and his neighbours.
Maybe this is the magic of collaborating with 20th Century Fox?

The Muslim and post 9/11 angle is about 3-4 years too late. Certain elements of the movie seem to be inserted for no reason and they do not really add anything to the story line (for e.g. long shots of SRK walking in the middle of nowhere - maybe he was searching for the US President under a rock in the desert?- and the stabbing scene).
The character of Rizwan Khan need not have been autistic. It would have been more of a challenge to show a mentally 'normal' Muslim male trying to do all this. In many parts of the movie being autistic gets him off the hook or gets him additional sympathy. Also as they say a disability or a disadvantage is a sure way of winning the audience.

The result is Mr Rizwan Khan comes out looking like a bad mix of James Bond and Mahatma Gandhi.

All in all worth watching once if you can sit through wave after wave of emotional scenes (trying to get a response from the audience) and long speeches by SRK . If nothing else watch this movie to see where Indian cinema is heading.

Oh and please don't look for 'logic' in the movie... after all this IS a Karan Johar movie and you know what they say about a dog and its tail.

:)

3 Idiots: Down the memory lane without a map or GPS.

Sadly the movie does not have the Amir Khan stamp of a different or trendsetting movie.
In fact, while it may have a lot of college-level humor to attract the masses and some well tested plot elements, it does not live up to the hype that was generated around it.
This movie has been made using a standard recipe and Chef Azahar Machwe is here to teach the very same to you:
The 3-Idiots Curry
Ingredients:
1 Large helping of Munnabhai MBBS
1 Medium helping of Taare Zameen Par
1 Small helping of Dil Chahta Hai
Corporate endorsements - add to taste.

Recipe:
Take a large helping of Munnabhai MBBS (including copy - pasting characters and actors e.g. Boman Irani as a quirky head) and mix it properly with a medium helping of Taare Zameen Par (take a tried and tested concept and extend it a bit).

Then add a small sprinkling of Dil Chahta Hai (to give that 'coming of age' feeling to the movie).

Add corporate endorsements to taste (Reliance, Airtel, Millionaire Stores, Volvo etc. - remember more endorsements better the taste!).

Cook the mixture in the intense heat of a pre-launch media blitz till it is surrounded by lots of 'hype'.

Serve with a splash of cheap pan shop humour and a dash of spice (Kareena Kapoor).

Before eating:
Remove all the hype from the dish and DIG IN.. oh and don't forget a big bottle of whichever cold drink Amir Khan is endorsing these days, to wash down the mess!

After eating:
Feel satisfied that at least this movie was not half as bad as some of the other time-wasters of 2009 (e.g.: Kurbaan, Kambakht Ishq, Blue etc.).

:)